Your friends who you chose have been sending me pics,the last with a black boy saying he was ur bf(surely a mistake as ur dad said he didnt trust them)and now pics of u with a boy who looks about 12 and he is ur bf now. I used them for the music page and I was upset but I do think u hated the page being there because you can never have those lovely times and share like that with anyone because it was unique and they remind u of good times.

Anyway,back to the truth,I have had to change my mobile number due to `anonymous sex msgs` and take off my yahoo messenger because of the 30 odd `sex contact msgs` i was receiving. I have had to block all e-mail providers liek yahoo.com, yahoo.co.uk, homail.co.uk and hotmail.com because of the abuse I was getting and from ur stupid fake friends. You would have supported me now u just laugh and think its funny to hurt a nice guy, I dont get it.The truth u try to consistently deny is that these friends, and u know who they r, tried to break us with lies, internet shit and made ur depression worse with bad feeling towards me and u through jealousy or just plain hatred. They may have won with u as ur in that `black down phase` which is why u choose dark people in ur life.I sought advice on ur behaviour and it was the only logical solution. U can deny u have bi-polar disorder but this is the only logical reason for ur sudden changes in clarity, trust and the sudden switch from total love, honesty and courage to total hatred, falsehoods and weakness.

Anyway, whoever made u like this, is controlling u, i may never know, mum, family or `friends`,but I know u still love me and are constantly fighting to hate me, finding every way possible, the friends that hurt u will tell u im bad, ur mum said im too old, and u allow people to send me things and attack me like David did, so u will have a negative response from me so u can satisfy ur guilt and ur weakness in succumbing to others pressure to forfeit an almost perfect love u may never find again.

U knew me like nobody else, which makes ur hatred to me even more bizarre. In a way I feel like I gave u ammunition to hurt me, because u knew all about me and what would make me mad. I dont know why u would want to do that but is ur choice. I tried to get back at u i cant deny, but I stopped myself because I realised thats what ur friends wanted and I am too strong for them, I will never change from the fantastic human being I am. Its not arrogance, its true, my track record with friends, family and even strangers backs up that notion.

Its easy to look for forgiveness on Yahoo answers saying that a `39 yr old man is obsessed`,and that ur scared bla bla..but the fact is u chose me, u chased me, u did the cheating, the lying and listened to people who didnt even know me, u threw away love for others. Now thats even more scary isnt it?.

Anyway, u still love me and I know, ur last text to me in October u said it, whether in ur weakness or unconsciously. I knew it and still know it. All u do now, ur bf is even being used to `forget` me , its not love, u can say it is to ur friends, even him, but he is just another tool to try and forget me because u have to for some reason , u still care and thats why u find it tough and are hurting urself. Ur trying to pretend I never existed because you know u messed up everything, something that was good for u and ur depression wont allow u to taste that, or mum wont allow it, i find that a shame

U let a great guy slip away, why is age more than a number when it comes to love?, I think its poor reason, I think is more a `forced erasure` of me by ur family or fake friends. Ur doing everything u can with others help to erase me, forget me and make me hate u, and u to hate me because u know u cant love me, as it will hurt others, but I know u do and always will. As I do u.

I am sure u dont know this boy inside out as u did with me, has he seen u cry, has he seen u angry, has he seen u depressed, in pain?,does he share poems and songs with u, does he calm u and always support u in every decision u make, does he text, call u anytime of the day, does he let u know he loves u every day?.

I proved myself to u, and only ur pride and depression are not letting u se eit. I dont have to prove anymore to anyone. I think u wont know love like that again, and maybe I wont either and its a sad way to end it because of others and ur refusal to help urself with ur problems and keep them there with `black` supports.

My poem below is my anthem for 2008 and it won an award on poetry.com, hope it helps u a little as it has others.

So this is the final chapter, the truth is there in ur heart and mind and actions for all to see. Only a fool would ignore what they see and live life blind. This how I am strong now,and how I can speak to u honestly and straightforward, and with truth.

2008 I`m The Star

I am sorry u had to do what u did for whatever reason,and im sorry u hurt because of it. I want u to know I will never force myself to forget u, I cherish every moment we spoke, cried and loved and laughed. The

best moments of my life were with u. I will never change myself for anyone, nobody rules my life, because I know who I am, I know im strong and I know people who come in contact with me are fortunate to find someone so caring, so loving and so understanding and also a real human being and friend.

I will be here for u, I always have been, I just wanted to help.

I wish u could see the truth through ur friends sea of lies and ur familys mistrust of love and their control over u. My song `July 1st 1006(I Miss u) is my final dedication to u, a lovely song away from anger and all. Just about ur happiest moment.

My album `te amo, lo siento` was all about u, my hurt, anger and confusion at all u did, but it proves how much u meant to me and hwo powerful emotion love is.

I have closure with this webpage, please dont hate me anymore, I loved u once and always will have love for u. My best time of my life was with u, after so much pain. I hope u see the light, I am always here. Good luck and best wishes and love.

Someone who was and always will be ...caring and someone who always made u feel loved, feel special and never let u down when u needed them.

Please take care, dont hurt urself because of me, dont hurt urself because of others and more importantly dont hurt urself because of ur life.

Peace, love and smiles.

 

Andrew x